


Stay

by Codename_Number3



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Boyfriends, Cheating, Fanfiction, Gay, Heavy Drinking, How Do I Tag, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, Karasuno, M/M, Manga & Anime, Nekoma, Protective Karasuno Volleyball Club, Third Gym (Haikyuu!!), This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Training Camp, Volleyball, horny hours, i love me a decent angst, instead of porn with plot it's plot with lukewarm porn?, kuroo is a whore for sake, kuroo is going through sad boi hours, plot who's she? we only know angst, pls comment, stupid fucking dinosaur, the best and possibly worst thing i've ever created, your comments give me life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24498505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Codename_Number3/pseuds/Codename_Number3
Summary: But he knew better. He noticed the little details, the things that slowly started to slip away as time went on.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 14
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The result of me being up at 3 am  
> enjoy :)

A mess. Those were the only two words that were able to wholeheartedly explain the situation. The yelling, the screaming, the tears, the heartbreak. Everything was just a mess. Tsukishima Kei never wanted this, but he knew for weeks that it was coming. He knew what he would see on the other end of the door. He knew of the fight that had brewing for months, and he's known of the cause for much too long. The blond haired middle blocker thought that he was prepared for what he was about to see. But nothing could prepare the nineteen year old boy for the sight of the love of his life, sweaty and panting on top of someone that wasn't him. They didn't notice him at first, well at least, one of them didn't. Kei made eye contact with the brunette with the boobs that were too lopsided to even be remotely real, otherwise known as his boss. And then she gave him a look, a look that conveyed one simple emotion. Pride.

She was proud. She was proud that her own worker caught her underneath his boyfriend. She was proud of what she had been doing with the raven haired boy for months now. There was not an ounce of shame in the older woman. In fact she thought, what was there to be ashamed of? She did no luring, she didn't even try to seduce the man that was pumping into her at this very moment. She only comforted. He arrived at her doorstep late one night, drunk off his ass and mumbling on about how Tsukishima was always at work. To tell the truth, she kept piling work onto the young boy in hopes that his senpai's patience would finally run dry. And one night it did, and she made sure to pick up the pieces. The first time, she was told it would be the last. Then the second, was a "mistake". Soon enough, he stopped giving excuses. Accepting that he found pleasure in his sins. Immediately after they fucked, he got out of bed, put his clothes on, and left without another word. There was an unsaid rule that the brunette was forced to follow, no kissing. None on the neck, chest, cheek, and especially not the lips. She never questioned his reasoning, there was no need to. As long as she still got her pleasure out of it all, it didn't matter.

When she made eye contact with the lanky figure she smirked, licked her lips, and whispered something just loud enough for both boys to hear, "Tetsu, I love you."

The golden orbs widened in shock, his once bright eyes filled with so much hurt and pain, that they overfilled; with fresh tears running down his face the athlete ran. Ignoring the shouts to stop, the pleas to wait, and the guilt ridden apologies, he ran. He wouldn't give Testurou the satisfaction of seeing him cry. So that night, with a trail of tears and broken promises following, Kei ran to Nekoma. It was stupid, he thought. Finding comfort in the place where he had met the person responsible for his broken heart. Kei still remembered the training camp like it was yesterday. He still remembered the hushed whispers, the heated kisses, the late night movies, and most importantly, his laugh. That god forsaken laugh. At first, Kei couldn't stand it. He found it irritating and far too obnoxious. But as time went on, it grew to be the most beautiful melody that tugged at all the right heart strings.

_"Hey, hey, hey!" The voiced roared through Gym 3 as Akaashi followed quietly behind._

_The two were met with silence as the setter sighed. "Where the hell are those two this time?"_

_Little did they know, they were right there. Well, in the storage closet. Kei lightly pushes Tetsurou away to try and meet with their fellow peers but the raven haired boy takes that as a sign to suck harder on the light-toned skin._

_"Tetsu, we have to go," Kei quietly moans out, trying to sound stern but not being able to deny himself the pleasure of being claimed by his senpai._

_The golden-eyed boy is met with a pair of lustful eyes and in that moment, ignoring all better judgement, he pulls the dominating figure closer and wraps his legs around his waist. The two had been make-out buddies ever since the first night of camp. Both boys with a case of insomnia wandered around the school until their fates collided. And ever since then they've been intoxicated by the simple presence of one another._

_Tetsu tugged a bit on the plain white t-shirt, asking for permission from his kohai. This was the first time the pair had ever ventured this far. Everything inside of him was telling him to say no, to reject the middle blocker's advances; but his eyes showed nothing but concern, his touch laced with care and his stance ready to back off if given any sign of discomfort from his partner._

_Before Kei was able to give him an answer Tetsurou removed his hand and leaned in. At first the blond thought he was going in for a kiss and was confused on why he stopped when their foreheads met. They stayed like that for a while, neither knowing what to say._

_Tetsurou opened his mouth to apologize for his actions but before he could say anything Bokuto kicks open the door, shedding light into the confided space._

_"Aha! I knew it, they were fraternizing again," Bokuto exclaims, running away soon after with Tetsurou chasing after him. Leaving Kei leaning against a cart of volleyballs, still trying to comprehend what happened only moments before. After catching his breath he walks onto the volleyball court to see Bokuto on the floor with a cackling raven-haired captain standing over him._

_The second that their eyes meet, the older boy turns away. Ashamed of his actions and disappointed in himself for pushing when Kei clearly wasn't ready. It was a simple misunderstanding between the two. The taller of the pair believing that Tetsurou was frustrated with him for not wanting more. That's how the rest of the day went. Whenever there was the slightest bit of interaction between the two middle blockers, one or the other would find a way to quickly escape the situation._

_During the practice matches, neither did well with their thoughts clouded by what happened this morning. The fear of losing one another sinking in and making its roots. The blond reasoned with himself that he wasn't afraid of losing Testurou, just scared of not having anyone to let his frustrations out on. He wasn't gay, he told himself. He couldn't be. The only reason that he felt any form of attraction towards his senpai was because of his annoyance with every one else at the camp. Their sessions were only a venting mechanism that was bound to fail sometime. But then Kei looked at him, his concentration on the match and the grin on his face, and his heart skipped a beat. His mind went blank and he just stared in awe of how captivating the Nekoma captain looked with that glint of excitement in his eyes and his tongue dangling slightly out of his mouth as he analyzed everything that was happening on the court._

_Tetsurou catches the younger boy's gaze and holds it, unfamiliar with the look in his eyes. It was different. Sure he's seen Kei blush out of pleasure and embarrassment, but he just couldn't figure out what was different this time. Before he could put any more thought into it, the rooster-haired boy turns in response to the shouts of his teammates and is met with a face full of volleyball. Kei couldn't help but laugh at the sight. And in that moment, Kuroo Tetsurou decided that he would do anything to hear that laugh again. He didn't care if he got hit with ten more volleyballs and had to sprint up that stupid hill, it was the most imperfectly perfect sound he'd ever heard._

_He was escorted to the nurse by the team manager and Kei had no other choice but to pay attention to the match. Every block felt good, relieving him of his stress but no matter what he couldn't stop himself from worrying about Tetsurou. In the back of his mind he knew that he was going to be okay, it was only a nosebleed; but, there was that looming thought of him getting hurt that stuck with him the rest of the afternoon. Kei thought about this morning, and wondered if Tetsurou was starting to get bored of the same old make outs. And if soon, he would start getting bored with him._

_After all the practice games were over, Kei ended up on his porch. He was gladly welcomed in by the boy's grandparents and made his way up the stairs. He walked into his room with a heavy heart, and pushed the standing figure onto his bed. The blond was now moving quick. Taking both their shirts off before Tetsurou could even bat an eye. His mouth traveled quickly down from his neck to his tan v-line. This wasn't right, something wasn't right. The raven-haired teenager couldn't even process what was happening before feeling a tug at his belt buckle. Before he could say anything to stop the fast-paced undressing, Kei crashed his lips against his. The kiss being different than others, desperate and messy, giving Tetsurou no time to kiss back. It wasn't slow, it wasn't passionate, it wasn't right. It was rushed and needy. The feeling of something wet made the narrow-eyed boy pull back to the sight of a crying blond hovering over him._

_He was struggling to unbutton his partner's jeans before Tetsurou grabbed his wrists, stopping him in his tracks. It wasn't until he looked into those watery golden eyes that he understood, the first year thought that this was what he wanted. He was doing this for him. The black colored glasses were delicately put on the nightstand and with no words said, Tetsurou began to wipe his tears away. The two sat in silence, with only sniffles and the occasional bed creaking filling the coarse air._

_"I-I'm sorry," Kei muttered, head hanging in shame._

_Tetsurou gave him a light smile and carefully lifted his chin up, "I never want you to be sorry for something that you're not ready for. Promise me something," he paused, waiting for confirmation from the younger boy. When given a short nod he continues on, "Promise me that you won't do something that you're not sure of just because you think I expect it from you."_

_Kei is shocked once again by the third year's careful consideration for him. He leans in slowly and connects their lips. There were less nerves compared to the previous kiss, and much more care. Kei cupped Tetsurou's face with his hands and deepened the kiss, skillfully capturing the third year's bottom lip in his and playfully biting down on the soft flesh. Tetsurou wrapped his arms around the thin figure and pulled him onto his lap, reciprocating with the same amount of passion. Kei opened his mouth ever so slightly, giving Tetsurou's tongue just enough room to deepen the kiss even more. It felt as if Kei didn't have any oxygen left in his lungs, but was unwilling to stop in order to catch his breath. Their lips molded perfectly into one another as their senses were spiraling out of control. They kept on closing the distance that separated them with an urge to be a close as possible before there was little to no distance between the two. Skin against skin as their kisses became more heated. Despite all that was going on, neither had any intention of going further._

_They finally broke apart moments after, gasping for breath with a string of saliva connecting the two swollen lips. While Kei was still trying to catch his breath, Tetsurou began planting light kisses down his neck. He stopped at his collarbone and began moving back up to his ear. When reaching the final destination he takes Kei's earlobe and softly bites on the boy's sensitive spot. Kei couldn't help but moan and dug his nails into Tetsurou's shoulder._

_He continued placing delicate kisses all over Kei's face and whispered something ever so softly that it almost went unheard, "I love you."_

...

"Get out."

"But Tetsurou-"

"Get out. Grab your things and don't bother coming back," Tetsurou mutters through gritted teeth.

Without another word said, she leaves. Closing the door behind her without second thought. The sound of glass breaking echoing throughout the empty house, followed by another. The once perfect and pristine picture frames left in pieces against the wood floor. He had been so careful, the bed sheets were washed at least twice a week and most of the time Tetsurou went to her apartment. But he knew better. He noticed the little details, the things that slowly started to slip away as time went on. He noticed how Kei would always stay out late when he was let off early, he noticed the way the blond flinched at any given sign of affection, he noticed the way he would always walk with his hands dug into his pockets, he noticed how his eyes seemed to take a sudden interest to the ground.

He noticed how his ears felt deprived of the three words, the three words that would make Kei look at him with so much affection, so much care. When those words used to mean something, they meant everything.

Tetsurou knew something that both of them refused to admit.

_The devilish sound of an alarm woke the bed headed boy from his deep slumber. He groggily made his way to the kitchen to find his boyfriend of two and a half years getting ready for work in the living room. Taking notice to the pillow and blanket neatly tucked away under the couch. A sigh escaped his throat, gaining the attention of the now dressed museum worker._

_"Is there something bothering you," the blond questioned, grabbing his bag and coat._

_Conflicted thoughts of whether or not to voice out his worries kept the older boy silent. Kei brushed it off, opening the door to catch the upcoming train but was stopped by a mere whisper, "Why didn't you come to bed last night?"_

_"You forgot to wash the sheets and I have a big meeting this afternoon, I didn't want my coworkers questioning why I smelt like cheap perfume." Tetsurou opened his mouth to say something, but the words got stuck in his throat. And in that moment, he was sure that he had been caught. He thought that the moments to come would be filled with heartbreak and tears. His heart had been making all the right preparations for when it was to be inevitably broken._

_So when Kei mumbled a short, "I'll be home late," and shut the door, to say that Tetsurou was confused wasn't the half of it. Anyone who was with Kei for ten minutes would pick up on how observant he was, on how blunt and harsh his words could be. Yet, his statement from before was indifferent. There was no anger or judgement in his words. Nothing to prove that he knew of Tetsurou's infidelity except the words themselves._

_Tension had been rising for weeks now, neither willing to acknowledge it until now. Slowly but surely, Tetsurou could feel the walls that he had broken down years ago rising to the top, higher than before, making it almost impossible to climb. He couldn't even remember the last time he had been the cause of the joyful laughter that used to fill the now hollow apartment. And then there was a sudden realization, of all the things forgotten. His heart hurt, the ache that had been for weeks finally weighing down on him. His trembling hands reached for the bottle, temptation and desire fueling the actions yet to come. The irony of the situation almost made him laugh. Tetsurou would spend hours drinking away his sorrows as a desperate attempt to forget, but now all he wanted to do was remember. Remember how the corners of his lips would waver as the blond tried to suppress the joyful sound. Remember the way the skin underneath his eyes scrunched up due to the inevitable smile breaking through. Tetsurou wanted, no he needed, to remember the melody that involuntarily escaped the pink tinted lips. But he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried._

_He couldn't remember his laugh._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me so long but like lowkey proud  
> also, i'm sorry

"Why," he questioned, unsure of whether or not he wanted the answer.

Unreadable eyes bored through Tetsurou's. How was he supposed to answer what he's been wondering himself? Why? Tetsurou looked up to be met with a moving figure. The boy was pacing throughout the living room, stepping over the broken glass and empty bottles. His nails were being viciously attacked, his bottom lip suffering from the same treatment. A deep sigh escaped his throat and he sat down in front of him, scooting back from the intense smell of liquor. When Tetsurou looked at him, he saw the desperation seeping through his gold tinted eyes.

He was desperate, he needed this. He needed him to answer, he needed him to justify his actions. Tetsurou understood what was on the line, he knew that if he gave him the wrong answer then it would all be over. But in the end, there was no real way to condone what he had done. There was no way for them to avoid this.

"Please," he begged, "please just tell me what I want to hear. Lie to me for all I care, tell me that it was just a one time thing, that it was a drunk mistake and it'll never happen again."

It hurt for him to see a man that he admired so greatly desiring to be deceived.

"You know that I can't do that."

"How long?"

"Bokuto-"

"How long," he pushed through gritted teeth.

He could see the knuckles of the proud ace turning white. Tetsurou was passed out on the couch when Bokuto arrived. The sound of a slammed door awakened the newly formed hangover for the rooster haired male. When Tetsurou opened his eyes, he saw Bokuto standing there, with a duffel bag. Kei had sent him, he was taking his things. Bokuto knew what he was supposed to do, take the stuff and leave, but when he saw his best friend basking in his shame he couldn't stop himself before he slammed the door shut. He needed answers, and he needed them now.

"Three months," Tetsurou finally answered, avoiding the beady eyes looking down on him.

"Did she blackmail you?"

Hazel eyes met gold, and he saw the fear that lied within.

"No."

"What did she have against you? If she forced you to do anything then-"

"She didn't force me to do anything. I came to her."

"T-Then what did she have that Tsukki didn't?"

Silence filled the room before Tetsurou replied, "Time."

"Time," Bokuto repeated, "that's why you did this? Time?"

He knew better than to reply, because when Bokuto was like this all attempts of reason were left in vain.

"He hasn't eaten in days! Did you know that? He hasn't said a single word to us, because he didn't have time for you? You broke his heart because of time," he exclaimed, anger replacing the once fearful eyes.

"Kuroo, please. Fix this somehow. He still loves you, I know he does," he pleaded.

"What am I supposed to do? It's not like I ran over his cat, I had an affair," Tetsurou tried to explain.

"I don't care what you do just do something! Stop sitting here feeling sorry for yourself because you're not the one who had to walk in on your boyfriend fucking his boss! You're not the one who had to drive to Nekoma to find Tsukishima hiding in a storage closet! You're the one who caused this mess, and now you need to fix it! Please, do something because I don't want to have to lose my best friend," Bokuto's voice escalating with every word.

And so they sat there, in silence, as he waited for his friend to respond, waited for the explanation that never came. Another slam of the door triggered Tetsurou to grab another bottle, he was gone. He left with all of Kei's things.

Good riddance.

...

He held his breath as he grabbed the doorknob, only for it to be released in the form of an amused scoff, "So, he sent you instead."

"Yes."

"Well then, come on in Akaashi," Tetsurou said, moving aside to make room for Fukurodani's former setter.

"So, where is it?"

_"Tsukkiiiiii," Tetsurou screeched into the blonde's hallway. He had been over for a surprise visit and was currently waiting for his boyfriend to get back from Saturday practice. The third year didn't know what else to do, so he resorted to crouching on the spinning desk chair, clinging to the cushioned back._

_"Tsuuuukkkkiiiiiii!!!!!"_

_Kei's mother had let him in on her way out to the market, neither family knowing of their relationship just yet. Tetsurou quickly pulled out his phone and called his kohai._

_"Tsuuukkkiiiiiii," he whined into the phone._

_Said middle blocker was just leaving the gym, attempting to block out the freak duo to try and listen to a word his boyfriend was saying. Kei was only able to gather the words "house" and "intruder", that was all he needed to begin running home. Ignoring all the cries of confusion from his teammates, Kei ran like never before. He ended up at his house in record time, knees buckled and breath irregular, already having called the cops during his frantic sprint. After many failed attempts to unlock his front door due to his shaky hands, he finally got into the house. He looked for any signs of forced entry through his fog covered glasses and hastily grabbed a metal bat from his brother's room._

_The door to his room was slightly open and through the crack he saw Nekoma's captain clinging onto his desk chair. Hazel eyes widened as he saw his savior, quickly jumping off of the chair and running into the hallway, making sure to close the door behind him._

_"Tsukki you came to save me! My hero," Tetsurou exclaimed as he tackled the tall figure._

_"Is the intruder in my room?"_

_"Yup, I trapped him in there." Pride lined through every word as Tetsurou wrapped his arms around the slim waist._

_Kei somehow managed to escape his grasp and picked up the bat, getting ready to face who ever was on the other end of the door. The pale hand gripped the cold doorknob, mustering up the courage to turn it. The door slowly creaked open and Kei loosened his grip on the metal bat._

_"There's no one in here," Kei said, turning around to see Tetsurou standing on his kitchen counter._

_Tetsurou jumped off the counter, "Of course there isn't," he casually noted and grabbed Kei's hand._

_Both boys walked into the room, and stared at the spider above Kei's bed, as beady eyes looked over the blond's shoulder. Tetsurou cowered behind the pestered first year._

_Kei started to walk away before his arm was yanked back, "Where are you going!"_

_"It's a stupid spider kill it yourself, I ran all the way over here worried that you had died or something dumbass," Kei sneered, attempting to pull his arm away._

_Tetsurou looked apologetic until a sudden realization dawned on him, and a sly smirk was formed, "So you were worried about me?"_

_Some could claim that a light blush was plastered onto the pale skin, but they wouldn't live to tell the story._

_When Tetsurou saw the younger boy turn away that only fueled him to continue with his antics, "Aw I think it's cute, that you care about me so much that you-"_

_His eyes widened as he was cut off with a pair of lips. Kei wasted no time in prying his mouth open and sliding his tongue in, pushing Tetsurou against the door. In situations like this Tetsurou was used to taking the lead, so being in this position was a new experience, but he wouldn't say that he was hating it. He could feel every movement that Kei was making, felt every time his hands raked against his chest, every pant against his lips whenever they were forced to break apart, every painfully slow grind against his hips; more importantly, he could feel every erratic beat of his heart._

_Tetsurou's senses were on overload, and before his brain could catch up with the current events, he was being pushed onto the bed. His eyes were met with the sight of Kei straddling him, which was very hot, but he was distracted by the blindfold in his hand._

_"U-Um what's that Tsukki?"_

_"Shhhh," Kei hushed him as he started to plant kisses down his neck, playfully biting down on the spot that always seemed to drive Tetsurou crazy. The raven haired boy couldn't help but moan and when he opened his eyes, a black cloth was facing him. Tetsurou was going purely off instinct now, being able to feel every inch of Kei against him, every inch. A tug was felt at the end of his shirt and without hesitation he lifted his arms, letting his top half remain fully exposed to his boyfriend. Kei trailed down Tetsurou's built chest, making sure to mark him along the way. When he made his way down to the top of his unbuttoned jeans, Kei slid his tongue along the top of the tan v-line. Tetsurou was a hot mess at this point, left sightless and unraveled. The room was filled with escalating tension and the moans of a once mighty volleyball captain. _

_Kei swirled his tongue around Tetsurou's eager nipple, deciding that he couldn't take any more Tetsurou swiftly slid out of his pants._

_"Someone's excited," Kei slyly remarked._

_The sound of a drawer opening and closing could be heard but Tetsurou didn't think much of it, assuming that it was just protection but was confused by the sound of metal clanging against one another._

_"Get on all fours," Kei demanded in a way that made Tetsurou all the more obedient._

_With his hands and knees planted into the mattress, Tetsurou made sure of something if this was to go any further, "Are you sure?"_

_"Trust me, I'm sure."_

_(Consent is sexy kids)_

_And next thing he knew, his left hand was handcuffed to the bed post. Tetsurou was surprised by the feeling, but wasn't exactly opposed._

_"Don't open your eyes until I tell you to, okay," his eyes stayed closed due to these words as the blindfold was taken off._

_The weight shifted on the bed and he thought that Kei was just adjusting his position, "Okay, you can open them now."_

_Tetsurou's now opened eyes, met with eight of them._

_He was now handcuffed, on his hands and knees, stripped down to his boxers, staring at the "intruder"._

_Kei closed the door, muffling the shrieks of fear on the other side. He smirked to himself, proud of how he got back at his dumbass of a boyfriend. Of course there were moments along the way where he thought of changing his mind, but was driven by the desire of revenge, unfortunately meaning he would have to suppress his more detailed desires._

_He looked down to see the growing tent in his pants and scoffed, the things that this dumbass did to him. The shirtless boy turned around, in need of a cold shower, only to be met with his older brother._

_"Akiteru, I thought you weren't coming home until tomorrow," Kei said, trying to keep a steady voice as he deliberately placed his hands together to try and hide his erection. Hearing the screams of his name behind him._

_"My train got changed, I thought I could surprise you. Obviously I came at the wrong time," the college student noted as he rushed to get out of the house as fast as possible._

_"Wait, it's not what you think," Kei stated, hoping to try and explain the situation to Akiteru, but that chance was taken away the second Tetsurou walked out of the room, handcuffed to a ripped off bedpost, wearing nothing but his boxers._

_"Tsukki, how could you just leave me in there," he whined, not noticing their gaping audience._

_Freshly bought cabbage rolled across the wooden floor as the mother of both Tsukishima brothers processed the sight in front of her. Tetsurou followed Kei's line of sight when he saw that the boy had no plans of answering him anytime soon, and immediately regretted it._

_"Hi m-ma'am," Tetsurou greeted, voice cracking throughout the entirety of the two word sentence._

_The silence was deafening, no one knowing what to say next, before the sound of sirens entered their driveway._

_..._

_"At least you finally came out to your family," Tetsurou said, trying to lighten the mood as he jumped on the bed._

_Following Kei's death glare to the broken bed frame, he rubbed his wrist as if feeling the pain of ripping it off out of fear and adrenaline all over again, "I'll pay for that."_

_Kei just rolled his eyes and lied beside him. Tetsurou snuggled into his chest, wetting his shirt with his wet hair. Both middle blockers had taken cold showers to calm themselves down, seperate cold showers. Despite Tetsurou's many complaints._

_"Thank you for killing the spider for me," Tetsurou purred into his ear in hopes of getting those golden eyes to stop glaring at him._

_When that failed, along with his several other attempts, he decided to mock the blond for his previous actions, "I can't believe that you called the cops."_

_"Neither can I, I should've just let you get eaten alive by that stupid spider," Kei grumbled, wrapping his arm around the third year in spite of his words._

_"Well I'm glad that you didn't."_

_"Tch," Kei mumbled, "You're lucky that I love you."_

_His cheeks flared up at his sudden confession. Ever since Kei didn't respond to the proclamation of Tetsurou's feelings during the training camp, neither one was willing to acknowledge it._

_Instead of teasing him like expected, Tetsurou just snuggled deeper into his chest and wrapped his arms around his waist, "Yeah, I guess I am lucky."_

_..._

Akaashi killed the spider without second thought. When he went to throw it away it was hard to ignore the unhealthy amount of bottles in the trash can. 

"Is that all?"

Tetsurou didn't know why he texted Kei, his obvious excuse was the amount of alcohol in his system, but he knew that wasn't the reason. He just wanted to see him, to try and remind him of the moments in time where their relationship wasn't broken. When he wasn't broken.

"Kuroo-san," Akaashi added before leaving the apartment, "Don't let him see you like this."

And just like that, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm either going to heaven or hell for this chapter there's no inbetween  
> hope you enjoyed <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like this is the first time i've published a chapter without being sleep deprived and idk how i feel about it

It was an escape.

A relief from all the thoughts racing in his head.

A solution.

And all he had to do, was tilt the transparent container at the slightest angle. It was that simple. Then, the euphoria would come rushing in. Flowing out of the bottle and into his damaged system.

He didn't know what day it was, and he didn't care. Everything around him felt, insignificant.

And yet, despite the bliss provided, the hard liquor was rendered useless to his cause. Because he was still in his head. He was still there. And in that moment, Tetsurou could see him. He was reliving the first time Tsukishima Kei saw him drunk.

...

_"Bokuto I'm finneee," Tetsurou slurred, attempting to break away from his friend's hold._

_"Kuroo what were you thinking, if your dad finds you like this he's gonna kill you."_

_With the inability to form any coherent thought, Tetsurou bursted out into a fit of laughter, "Screw him and his fancy dinner. I don't even need to be there."_

_"Trust me, people are going to notice if you're not there," Bokuto sighed, still astounded at the fact that he's the voice of reason in this conversation._

_"I don't wanna," the intoxicated highschooler whined, falling backwards and landing on the king-sized mattress._

_"I'm here," Akaashi announced, opening the door to reveal a certain first year._

_"Tsuuukkkiii," Tetsurou exclaimed, getting up to embrace his boyfriend._

_The blond moved aside at the sight of the older boy walking towards him with two left feet, resulting in Tetsurou slamming into the doorway._

_As the raven haired boy groaned in pain, Kei didn't fail to notice the underlying scent underneath the excessive amount of cologne, "You've been drinking."_

_"Noooooo," he denied, wrapping his arms around Kei's waist._

_Blue eyes observed the situation from a distance, and when his eyes met Kei's, he understood the request, "Come on Bokuto, let's go."_

_The spiker followed obediently and closed the door behind them, making his way downstairs where preparations were being made._

_"Take off your shirt."_

_"Yes sir," Tetsurou easily complied and began to unbuckle his belt._

_By the time Kei was back with his clothes Tetsurou was fully nude, with every part of him exposed to his one man audience._

_"Oh god no you pervert," Kei exclaimed, throwing the clothes at the built figure and quickly turning around._

_"Eh? What are these for," the nude male questioned, picking up the white dress shirt and tie._

_"For the dinner party tonight, now get changed idiot."_

_Kei was playing games on his phone, resisting the urge to turn around, when he heard the drowsy voice behind him, "Tsukki, how do I look?"_

_Once pure eyes were met with the sight of Tetsurou with a shoe on his head, dress shirt sleeves that were filled with tan legs, and an untied tie around the drunk third year._

_"You look like a disaster."_

_His harsh words ended up being the cause of a very stubborn pout on the flushed face, and Kei came to the sudden realization. He was going to have to dress Tetsurou._

_..._

_After what felt like a lifetime, Tetsurou was now fully dressed. With only ten minutes before the dinner, Kei walked into the closet to get ready. Putting on the suit he packed in advanced, he admired the walk in closet and its size that put Kei's room to shame. Tetsurou told him that they were well off but he just figured that meant he didn't have to worry about college fees. Apparently when Tetsurou was in middle school his dad's company grew drastically to the international design company it is today._

_Kei walked out of the closet, newly dressed and somewhat ready to meet Tetsurou's father, when he saw his boyfriend passed out on his bed._

_"Dumbass, you're gonna get your shirt all wrinkled," he muttered, walking over to the curled up figure and attempting to shake him awake._

_With five minutes left, Kei accepted his fate and rolled Tetsurou on his back, flattening out his shirt._

_"Trying to undress me while I'm drunk," Tetsurou purred into his ear as he got into a sitting position, "How scandalous."_

_"Shut up you perv," Kei snapped back while getting up from the bed._

_"Come on, lets not keep them waiting." Tetsurou grabbed Kei's extended hand and pulled himself up, letting the more rational one of the two lead the way._

_He could hear everyone downstairs, the scurrying footsteps, the raised voices, even the silent hush as he walked down the stairs with Kei's hand on the small of his back. All eyes were on him, and he hated it. He hated this day for a number of reasons. His grandparents always visited their hometown this time of year, he used to do the same. There were always a handful of new faces at the dinner party. Each one there for all the wrong reasons._

_As they descended the grand staircase, Bokuto and Akaashi met them at the bottom. The three of them had the mission of keeping Tetsurou in arms reach at all times. So far, nothing too out of hand had happened. He had forgotten a couple of names but was somehow able to maintain his basic mannerisms._

_"So Kuroo, any luck finding a girlfriend," a nosy aunt pried while taking another sip of her margarita._

_Akaashi and Kei shared a look, afraid of what was to come as Bokuto attempted to change the topic of conversation. Tetsurou furrowed his eyebrows, squinted his eyes, and groped Kei's butt, "Eh? Girlfriend? Why would I want that when I got this fine piece of as-"_

_"Hey Hey Hey! Look at that, they have yakiniku," Bokuto exclaimed, dragging Tetsurou away._

_Kei let out a breath of relief and followed after them. The next few hours were like a rollercoaster, there were some ups, and many downs. Tetsurou drunk was somehow more provocative than usual, with the raven haired boy trying to make out with him in front of a large audience on more than one occasion._

_And then, there was silence. It was almost as if it was contagious, spreading across the room like a virus (wear a mask). It was so strong that even Bokuto caught it, the words getting stuck in his throat as the older of the two Kuroos made his way across the dining hall. Everyone who was previously standing and mingling with the large crowds immediately took their assigned seats._

_Tetsurou had been seated to the right of his father, who was of course sitting at the end of the table, with a younger woman on his left. Kei took one look at him, and quickly decided that he had no intention of getting to know the man._

_Kei's eyes shifted from one Kuroo to another, looking at the middle blocker in hopes of making eye contact, only to see hazel eyes staring down, almost obediently as his father whispered inaudible speech into his ear. Whatever words were exchanged were enough to sober Tetsurou up, as an unsettled expression rested on the defined face._

_Repetitive taps on a glass pierced through the wall of silence, whilst everyone shifted their once divided attention to the standing owner of the household. His clear cut voice lured in the desires of many businessmen as he started what sounded like a rehearsed arrangement of words. Before Kei was able to actually start paying attention he noticed a scurrying figure making his way out of the room._

_The blond made no attempts at being discreet when chasing after the older boy, allowing his chair to scrape against the marble tiled floor. His feet followed the only path he knew once he lost sight of the rooster hair. When Tetsurou was no where to be found in his bedroom, Kei was officially lost. He wandered throughout the empty hallways, taking notice to the family portraits so carefully hung. His eyes settled on one in particular, Tetsurou and his father standing side by side in clothes too expensive to be even remotely comfortable. There was one aspect of it all that threw him off, despite the light smile plastered on his face, Tetsurou looked lonely._

_After roaming the endless hallways for who knows how long, Kei came across an open door. A step forward was made and without giving his brain a second to catch up, he walked through. His echoing steps filling the air of the indoor structure._

_"Of course you have an indoor pool," Kei muttered under his breath._

_Spotting Tetsurou wasn't a challenge, considering the fact that he was holding a sake bottle and wallowing in his lonesome by the pool. Kei walked towards him and sat down by the well-kept pool, making sure to keep his distance._

_For the first time in their relationship, Kei felt like he was the secure one out of the two. Tetsurou was a mess. With the room being solely illuminated by the blinding moonlight and the dim lights that lied beneath the water, it was a struggle to see the other with the distance separating them._

_Finally, Tetsurou lowered the bottle long enough to say something, "Are you mad at me?"_

_"No."_

_Kei didn't know what else to say. He wasn't mad, but he definitely wasn't happy. Sitting beside him was his boyfriend, drinking his feelings away. It's been four months since they started dating, and never once has he seen Tetsurou like this. He's seen him sad, defeated, even angry whenever his dad would come back from a business trip. But this was different, and they both knew it. Kei was scared, because he couldn't recognize the person sitting beside him. Feeling the full significance of the distance between them._

_"You aren't saying anything," the intoxicated male commented._

_"Neither are you."_

_And it continued on like that, sudden bursts of conversation that ended as soon as it started. Kei distracted himself with his surroundings, dipping his feet in the pool and drawing tiny dinosaurs in the water. An echoing splash interrupted his train of thought and he found Tetsurou laying face down in the water._

_Panic took over, and without missing a beat, Kei jumped in after him. He latched onto him and with much more difficulty than expected, pulled the body out of the water. When the adrenaline died down, he was able to spot a smirk on the "unconscious" boy._

_"You're sick," Kei grumbled, snapping out of his previous state of worry._

_It took the third step to resonate for Tetsurou to comprehend what was going on and he quickly rushed after the blond. "I'm sorry. It was supposed to be a joke."_

_"I should've just let you drown."_

_A scoff escaped Tetsurou's lips and he rendered it useless to try and chase after him, "It was the only way I could get you to talk to me."_

_He came to regret those words as Kei turned around, revealing how truly furious he was with his boyfriend. "Drowning was the only conversation starter your small brain came up with?! You could've fucking died, do you realize that or are you too drunk to understand?"_

_"I know it was stupid but-"_

_"Don't even try to justify what you did. You scared the crap out of me and for what? Is this what you wanted?" Kei was now seething of rage, unable to fathom how idiotic you have to be to try and drown yourself just to talk to someone._

_When he received no answer, Kei began to walk away. He reached for his phone to see what time the next train would come, and came to the realization that it was soaked. He was dripping wet in an attempt to save an idiot from sinking to the bottom of the pool._

_"I'm sorry."_

_"You already said that."_

_"I just," Tetsurou paused to think about what would come out his mouth next, "I wanted you to stop looking at me like that."_

_Kei decided to play along in hopes of ending the conversation soon and getting the hell out of there, "Like what?"_

_"Like a stranger."_

_"Well drowning yourself didn't help," he retorted._

_And there it was again, the agonizing silence that made minutes feel like lifetimes. Kei's anger had partly died down, but was still prominent as he walked towards Tetsurou. The raven haired boy prepared himself, getting ready for a slap in the face or even a kick in the groin. But when Kei just stared at him, that cold hard stare that could make hell freeze over, he didn't know what to do. There was only a meter of space separating them and neither felt the need to close the distance._

_"Why'd you even drink in the first place?"_

_Tetsurou couldn't answer what he himself didn't know. All he knew was that it felt good, really good._

_"Fine, you don't want to answer me. Then why'd you leave dinner?"_

_Against his natural instinct, Kei stayed and waited for the answer that never came. Every time he tried to make eye contact with Tetsurou, he was looking away. Looking everywhere but him. Kei let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and walked away. Finding it slightly laughable at how pathetic he was acting._

_"Today's the day she died."_

_Kei paused, he was aware of the death of Tetsurou's mother, but was a stranger to the details. He never pushed for more information than given and always left the topic alone. With this new piece of information, everything seemed to tie itself together._

_Turning back around, Kei's eyes finally met his. "The dinner tonight was in honor of her."_

_Tetsurou released a light chuckle, finding humor in the previous statement. "I guess you could say that."_

_The sight of an excessive amount of business men surrounding the table suddenly made sense, along with the lack of relatives._

_"She drowned," Tetsurou whispered in an almost inaudible tone, "She was trying to save me, and she drowned. And in honor of her, my father is in there making business deals."_

_Instead of taking another swig of sake like expected, Tetsurou throws it against the wall, letting the glass shatter around and within him. Breaking down in a heart wrenching sob as Kei held him. Shaking hands harshly grasped the damp dress shirt in a desperate attempt to hold onto Kei, to make him stay._

...

That night replayed in his mind, over and over again until he made it to his destination. Tetsurou turned around, back facing the luminescent waters and let himself fall. Once enveloped by the chlorinated water, everything was silent. He didn't have to hear his voice anymore, he didn't have to feel his arms around him, he didn't have to do anything. This time, there would be no one to save him.

An all too familiar voice was heard from above, muffled by the water, "If you're going to drown yourself, don't do it in the community pool."

Tetsurou rose above the water, taking a breath of air and being greeted with the sight of the great Kodzuken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is half decent but i just really wanted to publish a new chapter  
> also follow my new writing ig @codename_number3 cause i don't have a life

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know if I'm gonna finish this but thanks for reading  
> 


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